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Hi
Growing up was tough. I'm proud of surviving it. It's weird how recruiters scoffed at my job application forms on seeing under greatest achievements, "Survived childhood".
Life's lessons for me were sometimes pretty obvious, like if I belly flop off the garage roof into the pool, I should feel significant pain. I did that once. Just once.
But most lessons for me were nuanced, like the mixed messages about love and sex. I used to hear that sex is a dirty thing. I also heard that we should "save ourselves" for our true love when we get married. (Hm, maybe doing the dirty thing before marriage made it doubly exciting!)
There's another lesson I ponder, but first, here's what Promentor Associates has for your edification this month:
- Featured workshop: Conflict Mastery: A critical skill for any team is dealing with conflict constructively. This workshop teaches you how to be constructive about conflict.
- Turnstile Tactics of Criticism: Corné offers 4 quick tips for turning our perspectives on criticism to come out with a healthy approach.
- Reclaim Your Power -- Learning to Handle Criticism: giving in to the critic is giving up our power. Alex shares 10 lessons on how to keep a level head under fire.
- The Phenomenology of Handling Criticism: Roland rounds off our articles with his usual off-beat, gets-you-thinking view of how criticism can get us so worked up.
Back to that other lesson I still ponder: "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me."
Nope, those nasty words will just torment my thoughts, plague my dreams, help me run myself down about the nasty retorts I could've made but didn't, and generally ping two dozen different negative emotions for days after the words that "will never hurt me".
Frankly, I might have preferred combination #28 from the skeletal splits menu -- "fractured femur and cleaved clavicle" -- they might have healed faster and better than some words.
And I'm not claiming innocence either. I've done my fair share of off-loading words that "will never hurt". It's sometimes really hard hearing tough words, and it takes a special skill to give tough words, especially if the intention is to inspire and empower, not to cause hunkering down and defending.
The power of words is seldom more evident when we're under stress. We see this most patently in our team development workshops. We deliberately stress teams through designed discomfort, although you'd never guess it by all the fun they're having.
It's immediately clear to observers that the teams likely to succeed are those who handle criticism and conflict constructively.
That being said though, another of my "rules" in life is that there's no such thing as constructive criticism. Blurting our subjective interpretation is just not the same as sharing our observation as feedback.
I trust you'll enjoy this month's articles and their angles on giving and getting criticism from Corné, Alex and Roland. Remember, if you want your team to try our team development break-away workshop or other courses on conflict and feedback, email or call me.
In next month's Fulfilment we explore the goodness of failing fast, our special topic for business leaders and entrepreneurs in tough economic times. Until then, all the best.
Brent Combrink
Fulfilment editor and ProMentor's founding owner
Cell: +27 (0)82 425 2708
Email your letters to: brent@promentor.co.za
 PS: The next Launch Your Practice! workshop runs in Cape Town on 6-8 May. Find out why our delegates from 2007 and 2008 are saying it's the best thing they've ever done for their new and existing practices. Visit www.launchyourpractice.biz or call me or my co-facilitator, Michelle Clarke (021 674 6875), to find out how to get your practice flying.
Featured Workshop:
CONFLICT MASTERY
Conflict is inevitable. It's how we handle it that matters.
This one-day workshop gets you:
+ Self assessment of your conflict resolution habits and blind spots +
+ Learn a 10-step strategy to resolve almost any conflict +
+ Spot your hot buttons and how to override them smartly +
+ Know when to walk away and when to take on conflict +
+ Don't get psyched up for tough situations -- learn effortless techniques +
Available at your offices and scheduled at your convenience
in Cape Town, Gauteng and KZN.
Investment for up to 10 delegates:
R10,500 full-day
R6,500 half-day
*R150 pp after 10 delegates
Includes all notes and pre- and post-workshop briefings
Excludes VAT, venue and catering
To book this or other topics, call ProMentor at 021 683 7575
or email info@promentor.co.za
Turnstile Tactics of Criticism
By Corné Mac Kenzie
17 April 2009
Criticism in, criticism out. Ever given "constructive feedback" only to have it received as criticism? Or been on the receiving end? These 4 simple steps help you give and receive really negative feedback really positively.
Read more...
Reclaim Your Power - Learning to Handle Criticism
By Alex Noel
17 April 2009
Think of criticism as an uncomfortable way to learn more about yourself. It is simply feedback that we may find difficult to hear but which we need if we are to expand our awareness. Here are ten quick pointers to keep your power from criticism.
Read more...
The Phenomenology of Handling Criticism
By Roland Cox
17 April 2009
One of the first things you're likely to hear when you get dumped with a truck load of negative feedback is, "Don't take it personally." You may ask yourself: "How do I do that? After all, it's about me." This is precisely the phenomenological crux and the secret to growing through it all...
Read more...
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